“Wow! Ninety marks! I wonder how much James scored this time”, I thought to myself. This was the first time I had scored such a high mark for my science test and I was filled with absolute confidence that my long time competitor, James, would not stand a chance against me this time. I walked with high hopes towards James, and requested to take a look at his test paper. He rejected me, turned his face away from me, and said “Go away. Do not disturb me. I am in no mood for this.” I sensed his reluctance, and backed off. However, deep down inside me, I was overwhelmed with curiosity. Why did he hide his score? Why was he in a bad mood? What was his score? Questions filled my entire conscious mind. Being a typical Singaporean, I just could not control my desire to poke into the privacy of others. When the time for recess came, I saw an opportunity to strike, and went on to do what I always do best.
James scored a mere ten marks and the pages of James’s paper were filled with crosses and zeros. I could not believe my eyes! It was as if I have taken a different test paper! I simply could not believe that this was James’ paper. The handwriting was so untidy and the answers did not seem to answer the questions. I turned to the first page to double check, and to my shock, I saw James’ name. Just at that moment, from the corner of my eyes, I saw a figure coming, and with closer examination, I knew it was James. I reacted immediately by placing his test paper on the floor, and picked it up again. When he did not express any form of anger, I knew that James did not notice my suspicious behaviour, thanks to my reactions which were faster than reflexes.
“Thanks for taking up the test paper for me.” James said, while taking the test paper from me.
“Never mind one lah, brother. What are friends for?” I said, while giggling in my heart.
Throughout the entire day in school, James did not have the slightest suspicion, and he went back home after school ended. Once he had left the class, I released all my desire to gossip with a few of my friends. The discussion about our top student doing so badly in this test was so interesting that even some people from other class joined in the discussion. We had a very fun time gossiping about James, but we find nothing wrong in our doings. After all, most Singaporean does this. This is what that makes us unique, and we find the act of gossiping acceptable. For some reasons, talking about other people’s personal matters was one of the things that we hungered for, and we simply could not resist the temptation to be busybodies.
When James entered the classroom the next day, people started calling him names like “Ten marks!” They also keep bothering him with questions like “Ten is my lucky number, is it yours? You like ten?” We had great fun making fun about James, when James sprang from his seat and punched a boy that was making fun of him. Within seconds, the noisy classroom quietened down to pin-drop silence. The mouths of many students widened, and the eyes of many students stared James and the boy in shock. The boy that was hit moved a few steps back, and sat on a chair. There was a huge “punch mark” on his face near his mouth, and his white teeth was stained with crimson blood. Seconds later, tears of pain and shock flowed out of his eyes. The boy screamed and yelled hysterically, and anyone could tell that he was in a state of shock.
The silence was broken by sounds of footsteps arriving, and before anyone could react, our form teacher, Ms Oh arrived. She screamed, “Oh! Oh! What happened?” The next moment, she positioned her eyes on the injured boy, as well as James. She told the two of them to move out of the class and she spoke to them. This time, however, all our Singaporean style of being a busybody vanished miraculously, and surprisingly, nobody spoke a single word. We waited patiently for Ms Oh to settle the incident. When Ms Oh entered the classroom, I knew I was in deep trouble from the expression on her face.
I was scolded for being such a busybody and spreading the news to others, which caused James to feel hurt. I was also “awarded” four demerit points. Ms Oh later explained the whole incident when James agreed to it. James father had just passed away the day before the test, and James had accompanied his father on his father’s last journey. As a result, he did not sleep for twenty four hours and was in no mood for the test. Thus, he scored badly for the test. As such, we all agreed to give James a second chance to do the test as we were very upset about death of his father. Ms Oh also agreed on that and James was given a chance to redo the test.
After this incident, James was never as close to me as before. I deeply regretted on my wrongdoings as it affected my deep friendship with James. I realised how fragile friendship could be. I regretted that I sacrificed a deep friendship for a mean act on somebody. This was a pain lesson , but I learned to respect others and control my emotions as well as my actions, and not let my emotions overwhelm me. As a Singaporean, I was always very scared about losing out on any detail. However, through this incident, I learned that there are times when we should control our words and show respect and care for others, in order to prevent miseries from happening.
Chia Ler, you do a nice job here of evoking the classroom atmosphere and the one-upsmanship that many students have for one another. Your characters are very believable, and the story moves along at a nice pace.
ReplyDeleteI was a bit surprised at the end to see that the narrator considered James a close friend, as this is not really evident throughout the rest of the story. They seemed more like rivals, and the narrator expresses schadenfreude (pleasure at another's pain) at the thought that James did so badly on the test. If he was really a good friend, wouldn't he have been worried about James, especially since this is such uncharacteristic behavior to fail a test?
Though this is nicely written, you do a lot of telling rather than showing. My suggestion for your revision for the final draft is to compress your time period into one day rather than two. That way, you'll be able to show more of the action as it happens, and we see the immediate consequences of the narrator's busybodiness.
Also, be sure to proofread for careless errors. While this is certainly an improvement on your writing from last year, there are still some mistakes in subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, etc., that can be fixed by more carefully editing your work.
This is a good second draft; if you address the issues in my comments, you can make your final draft a great one.
A very interesting story with a nice storyline. I feel that you could add more of the "singapore flavour" into your short story. But how did James know that it was your fault that Everyone knew about James' test marks? You could write more about it in your final draft. You also could elaborate more about the part where Ms Oh scolds you.
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